Blind Date
by isobeljones2000
Summary: When Diabolus sends Nero away to London for a blind date of some kind, Nero doesn't know what he's getting into. Little does he know, Raven is being sent on a very similar trip... Contains Naven
1. Chapter 1

_This story is a collaborative between isobeljones2000 and Silverbengal. We hope you like it!_

 _Silverbengal_

"No," Nero said flatly.

"Come on Max," Diabolus pleaded, "you'll like it!"

"I'm not doing it Diabolus," Nero said firmly.

"Max," sighed Diabolus, "just because your first relationship went slightly t***-up…"

"Her sister murdered her Diabolus," Nero cut him off, "I think that classifies as a little more than "slightly t***-up"."

"Fine," Diabolus corrected himself, "just because your last relationship went completely t***-up, doesn't mean that you can never go on a date again."

"I am not going on a blind date," Nero insisted.

"Yes, you are," Diabolus replied, "if you don't like it, then you never have to take any more advice from me, ever."

"You said that after the disaster in Melbourne," Nero said dryly, "and the one in Berlin, and Washington, and Birmingham, and Oslo."

"Okay, okay," Diabolus held up his hands in surrender, "but all of those involved large quantities of C4. Unless you want to do a Professor and carry around high explosives confiscated from computers, going on a single blind date won't be half as dangerous."

"Knowing your judgment, my date will probably be exactly the sort of person who carries C4 around all day," Nero said dryly.

"Will you do it?" Diabolus pleaded.

"Okay," Nero sighed, "but I'm going to regret this."

* * *

 _isobeljones2000_

"No," was the immediate reply.

"Please, Raven?" Diabolus asked hopefully.

The woman shook her head adamantly. "No. Never. Never."

"I really think you need to - explore your horizons a little more," Diabolus explained, choosing his words carefully. He had found the assassin in the training room, throwing knives into targets and attacking a punching bag with what seemed like a personal vengeance. Even though he knew Raven and was as close as one could feel to the normally aloof woman, he still kept a safe distance away from her knives.

Raven suddenly spun on the spot and swiftly hurled three knives into three separate dummies on the opposite wall, before using the fourth one to lunge viciously into where the closest dummy's heart would be. Only then did she meet Diabolus' eyes. "There. Horizons explored. And my answer is still no."

"I think a blind date would be - really good for your self esteem," Diabolus tried.

Raven flashed him a withering look. "I'm an assassin. I don't really think self esteem is very high on my list of things to worry about, do you?"

"Pleeease...?" Diabolus pleaded. "You won't have to worry about a thing. I'll organize it all."

"Somehow that makes me feel even less inclined," Raven mused dryly.

"Please?" Diabolus repeated.

Finally Raven sighed. "You're not going to shut up about it unless I agree, are you?"

"No," the villain agreed at once, sensing a ray of hope.

"Fine. But I'm never forgiving you if this goes wrong."

"I think I can live with that."

* * *

 _Silverbengal_

Diabolus rubbed his hands together in satisfaction as he left the training room. He was considering doing the evil laugh thingy, when a group of students walked past and he decided he looked weird enough already. He flipped open the blackbox that Nero had given him even though he wasn't technically part of H.I.V.E.

"Ah, Max," he smiled as his friend accepted the call, "I need to let you know where you're meeting your date."

Nero winced at the very mention of the arrangement.

"You're meeting at a café in King's Cross," Diabolus said.

"We're meeting in a station café?" Nero repeated.

"King's Cross isn't just the station," Diabolus rolled his eyes at his friend, "I'm sending you the details now. You're meeting in six hours. That's seven-thirty English time."

"Okay," Nero sighed, shutting the blackbox and walking back to his office.

When he got there, he found Raven sitting on his desk.

"You know you're sitting on a pile of important G.L.O.V.E. documents?" Nero said as he walked in.

"Sorry," Raven hopped off the desk, "just wanted to let you know I'm going out for a day."

"Me too," Nero said, "where are you going?"

"Don't want to talk about it," she muttered, "you?"

"Don't want to talk about it," he echoed, "Diabolus's fault?"

"Of course," she nodded glumly, "what about you?"

"When is it ever not?"

* * *

isobeljones2000

"Okay, have you got it?" asked Diabolus down the phone for the fourth time into Raven's ear.

Raven rolled her eyes. "Yes, Diabolus. I haven't suddenly forgotten in the fifteen seconds since you last asked."

"You're wearing the dress?" Diabolus asked.

He could have sworn he heard Raven growl under her breath. "I really don't think - this is necessary."

"Nonsense. On a date you need to dress up. You can't go as you normally are," he insisted.

Raven snorted derisively. "You seem to know an awful lot about it."

He didn't sound abashed in the slightest. "Obviously. Anyway, go and have fun."

Raven sighed. "I'll try. Though I really don't see why you're getting me, of all people, to go on a blind date. I'll probably just say something wrong. Or he'll be annoying and I'll stab him."

She could almost visualize Diabolus wagging his finger at her. "No lethal weaponry allowed on this date, Natalya. Normal person, remember?"

"Normal," Raven repeated sardonically. "Right."

"Now, get on the Shroud. Go!" Darkdoom urged her. "I'll be phoning you when you're there to tell you exactly where you need to go."

Raven sighed one last time, then began to walk towards the Shroud in her high heels that Darkroom had so helpfully provided - how do people walk in these things? - silently cursing her friend as she went. Why had she ever agreed to this?


	2. Chapter 2

_Silverbengal_

Raven walked into the restaurant as gracefully as she could manage. She felt that she had just about mastered walking in heels without falling, but actually looking like she knew what she was doing was another matter.

She didn't see why Diabolus had made her wear them anyway. She was tall, she didn't need heels. She sighed and walked over to the table that Diabolus had told her about. Her date was already there, his back to her as she walked over.

He was wearing an immaculately tailored suit, and had jet black hair. As she walked tentatively towards the table, she saw his face, and in a split second decided that she was going to murder Diabolus Darkdoom the next time she saw him. Judging by the expression on Nero's face, she would be queuing behind him to do it.

* * *

 _isobeljones2000_

Nero's mouth opened and closed for a few seconds helplessly as Raven stood stock still a few metres from his table. The first thing he noticed was the short black dress she was wearing and the high heels that he was sure she had once threatened death to.

"Well," Nero said weakly. "At least we don't have to do the awkward introductions, my dear."

Raven collapsed into the chair opposite him, scowling darkly. "I will kill him."

"Join the club," Nero told her, raising an eyebrow.

"Why us? Together? On a 'blind' date?" Raven wondered. "Is this some kind of extremely unfunny joke?"

"Knowing Diabolus, he's probably completely serious," sighed the man.

"Permission to hunt him down?" Raven inquired, looking very scary.

"Didn't he say he had organized everything on our - date?" Nero wondered, deciding to quickly change the subject before Raven actually did try to hunt him down.

Just at that moment, the lights dimmed around them and a hauntingly familiar song started to play overhead...

* * *

 _Silverbengal_

"If that song is playing for us I will kill Diabolus next time I see him," Raven hissed through her teeth, gripping the side of her chair tightly.

"It's not," Nero said, "It can't be. No, absolutely not."

"This is Diabolus we're talking about, Max," Raven said weakly.

"Point taken," Nero nodded, "but even for him…"

"He's already booked us a table at a romantic restaurant with candles dotting the room," Raven pointed out, "I wouldn't put it past him."

"Well at least no one knows," Nero shrugged.

"Would you like to order drinks?" a waitress asked as she walked over to their table.

"I'll have a glass of red wine please," Nero said, and the waitress nodded, jotting it down.

"I'll just have water please," Raven said.

The waitress nodded and hurried away, leaving Raven and Nero sitting in silence once again.

"This is brilliant," Raven muttered, "I'm sitting in a restaurant wearing a dress, for a blind date that is obviously a prank."

"I don't see why you're so self-conscious about wearing dresses," Nero smiled.

"Because I look like a total idiot," Raven said, "I'm not pretty, and no amount of dressing up will change that."

"You are pretty, my dear," Nero said.

Raven raised an eyebrow, tracing a finger down her scar.

"As much as I appreciate the compliment Max, I think we can fairly safely get rid of that notion," Raven smiled, "and I don't care all that much anyway. Being pretty isn't exactly top of my list of things to do as an assassin."

"Maybe," Nero shrugged, "but on the few occasions when you have agreed to come as my date for council parties, I have always had at least one council member approach me while you're a little way away and say something along the lines of "your date looks stunning". And they're always right. Tonight appears to be no exception."

Raven blushed, dropping Nero's gaze and muttering something under her breath. Thankfully, the waitress arrived at that moment, carrying the drinks. Raven and Nero both breathed sighs of relief as the awkward silence that followed Nero's compliment was dispelled by the glasses being set down on the table, and the two of them thanking the waitress.

"However," Nero said as the waitress walked away, "I am well aware how uncomfortable dresses make you feel, and this has certainly been irritating, so I think that some sort of revenge plan should be put into place."

"Yes Max," Raven grinned, "that's more like it."

"So," Nero smiled, leaning over the table very slightly so they could talk a little more quietly, but no so much that he looked weird, "how about this…"

* * *

 _isobeljones2000_

Anyone in the restaurant that happened to be listening to their murmured conversation would be surprised to hear evil laughter after a few moments. At Nero's suggestion, Raven grinned widely. "Revenge. Sweet revenge. No one sends us on a date without suffering consequences."

Nero smiled at his friend. "The idea will need a bit more work, but we can work on it later."

"It's basically the same as he did to us, except probably a lot more awkward," Raven mused.

"Oh I don't know, my dear. Seemingly this so-called date isn't that awkward. At least we know each other as friends. While Diabolus and his 'blind date' may not get on quite so well..."

"True that," Raven said with a rare Raven smile.

Nero took a sip out of his glass of wine, contemplating. "I wonder where the waitress has got to? We ordered our drinks a while ago, and we haven't ordered any food yet."

Raven shrugged. "I'm sure they'll come soon."

Just then, as if on cue, the waitress came back over to their table, burdened with one large plate of what Nero assumed was a complicated restaurant version of spaghetti and meatballs. "Here's your meal. Enjoy."

"Oh - no," Nero was quick to argue. "We haven't ordered yet. This isn't ours, I'm sorry."

The waitress shook her head. "Your meal was preordered when you booked the restaurant. One plate of spaghetti and meatballs to share."

"To share?" Raven questioned incredulously.

The waitress nodded. "This is what you ordered, ma'am?"

Nero nodded, feigning a look of comprehension. "Oh yes, okay. This is our meal. Thank you." It wouldn't do to arouse any suspicion, after all.

The waitress smiled satisfied, placing the large plate down between them and walking away.

Raven met Nero's eyes. "Is it possible to kill someone three times over?"

"Diabolus," was all that Nero said, his voice sounding annoyed - and even slightly amused?

Raven regarded the meal with faint suspicion. "To share?"

"Let me guess. It's some kind of romantic chiche," Nero assumed fairly accurately.

The woman sighed heavily. "Diabolus should really stop reading all those cliched romance books."


	3. Chapter 3

_Silverbengal_

"I think Diabolus is in for a surprise," smiled Raven as she and Nero walked out of the restaurant into the cold night air.

It was dark outside, not many street lamps illuminating the road.

"I think you'd be right, my dear," Nero grinned, "I would pay good money to see the look on his face."

"Except we won't have to pay a penny," grinned Raven, "this was fun."

"Plotting ways to exact revenge on Diabolus is always fun," Nero smiled, "especially with a capable partner in crime. And he deserves it after this."

"Are you sure he failed completely?" Raven asked quietly, stopping walking and turning to face Nero.

"I'm not sure he did," Nero replied, also stopping and turning to face her.

It suddenly struck both of them just how close they were standing, but neither made any effort to move farther away.

"In fact," Nero said, "I think he may have succeeded rather spectacularly."

With that, he leant in and kissed her firmly on the lips. For a moment, she froze, stunned, then her brain registered what was going on, and she kissed him back.

After a moment, they pulled apart, looking at each other, each wanting to see the other's reaction. They were both smiling, their eyes shining.

"Does this mean we won't carry through our plan?" Raven asked.

"No, I don't think so," Nero smiled, "do you?"

"Not at all," Raven smiled, "it's much too much fun for that."

* * *

 _isobeljones2000_

Raven collapsed on the bed, laughing. Nero had a grin on his face as he continued to tell the story. "And then Diabolus was just like: "I need to fake my death to get away from my evil ex!""

Raven shook her high heels off her feet, sighing in relief. "Those things are uncomfortable."

"I don't doubt that," Nero said sympathetically. "You didn't have to wear them, you know. Though they do add to your outfit greatly."

She made a face. "Diabolus made me wear them. Said I should look like an actual woman for once."

Nero leant in close. "You always look beautiful, no matter what you wear."

Raven wasn't sure she had ever blushed so hard in her life. They were in a hotel room that Diabolus had booked for them, which seemed thankfully normal after the romantically decorated restaurant.

"So are we going to tell Diabolus to meet us at the restaurant at the table we sat at?" Nero asked.

"I'll say something like we had an awful night," Raven said. "He'll want to turn up and try and rectify the situation. Then we can set up cameras and watch from here."

"It should be interesting..." said Nero.

Raven hesitated. "Shall we do the evil laughing thing now? Like villains always do after they've concocted an evil plan?"

"We might as well," shrugged Nero.

"Okay."

"Okay."

If anyone had been listening from the surrounding hotel rooms, they would have been surprised to hear evil sounding laughter in two different voices, one English and one Russian, resembling a 'muhahaha' into the night.

* * *

 _Silverbengal_

"You've had a terrible night?" Diabolus repeated sadly.

"Yes," Nero said coldly.

"I'll come right now," Diabolus said frantically, cutting the connection before Nero could protest.

From the hotel room, Nero shut the blackbox and laughed. Diabolus's ex wife had been perfectly happy to help Nero and Raven if it meant an awkward night for Diabolus, and she was already in position.

###

Within half an hour, Diabolus had reached the restaurant and walked in.

"Hello," he said to the man at the door, "I've come to meet Natalya Raven and Max Nero, are they here?"

"They left a little while ago," the man replied calmly, "but they told me to show you to their table, where they've set up some sort of blind date for you."

The man smiled brightly and took Diabolus over to a table. Diabolus was irritated, but intrigued. He thanked the man and sat down, not looking across the table until he was sitting down.

His jaw dropped as he saw the woman opposite him. He couldn't very well make a scene in a romantic restaurant, meaning he would have to sit through the meal with her. Oh dear. This was going to be a very awkward evening indeed.

###

Back in the hotel room, Nero and Raven looked at the screen of Raven's computer, seeing Diabolus's rabbit-in-the-headlights expression as his wife spoke.

They both doubled up laughing, grinning evilly as they watched their friend trying to conceal his massive frustration. Raven smiled.

"That'll teach him."

 _A/N) Hope you enjoyed this short story!_


End file.
